Sunday, July 20, 2003
I'm in the middle of the ride . . . Jimmy had it right. He was singin' to me. But it's so tough. All I want is freedom! I guess Andrew Lloyd had it right too. Maybe that is why I'm always online? Maybe I trying to be stealth in my freedom-gaining experiments. This city, this church, this house, this family, and this self are all feeling like they are constricting and strangling the very life out of my soul, or spirit? I don't know who I am and somehow I feel that I need to leave everything that defines who I am on the outside in order to find the essence of who I am. Will those that love me support me in this quest? I don't think they will. I'm not crazy, just a little unwell. But stay a while, you'll see that there's a different side to me!!! People don't like change, especially change in someone they love. So here goes . . . a quest that will hurt me and everyone else. But that's growing, right?
posted by Mary 11:56 PM
Sunday, July 13, 2003
Do you ever remember certain things about a person? Just someone's look or the way they said something--and every time you remember it you smile, or cry, or sigh? And even though it hurts, you're glad you still remember . . .
posted by Mary 10:51 PM
Tuesday, July 08, 2003
Maybe I feel ugly somewhere other than my looks and that is why I am beginning to feel ugly everywhere? I hate to say it, but I am starting to look forward to the mundane predictability of Simpson once again. It's nice to be out and stretched, but sometimes being there, in my quiet dorm room where I know just what is expected of me and can achieve it, life seems so simple again.
posted by Mary 3:00 PM
Sunday, July 06, 2003
I feel so ugly. Ya in looks, but then, when you feel ugly, you start to feel ugly in all areas of your life. God is revealing so much of His beauty in me, but . . . *sigh* He is faithful to complete His work, no?
Still, you know what it does to a girl to realize she will never even be as pretty as her mother? maybe i'm just feeling despondant
posted by Mary 2:03 PM
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''I saw well why the gods do not speak to us openly, nor let us answer. Till that word can be dug out of us, why should they hear the babble that we think we mean? How can they meet us face to face till we have faces?''
--''Till We Have Faces'' by CS Lewis
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