Sunday, September 21, 2003
"A man without fear is a man without hope." The priest said that to Matthew in Daredevil. Hope involves risk. Am I willing to risk my heart? I guard my heart--they told me I should--that horrible things will happen if I don't. But I am hopeless now. I'm despondant.
We watched Anger Management next. I found out a lot about myself. I'm the lady behind the counter being yelled at for not taking the coupons. I'm the cashier that blows up the store 10 years later. I'm the implosive type. And I found out that I'm not angry at the people I hurt with my bitterness or frustration. I'm not angry at the people that have wronged me. I'm not angry at God. I'm angry at myself and always have been. I'm angry that I've let so much happen to me. I'm angry that I can't make it right.
They teach us how to forgive others and restore relationships. They teach us how to get right with God. They don't teach us how to find ourselves--how to revive ourselves and begin once again the harmonious relationship of the body and soul. God, help me reintegrate with your Spirit in me. Otherwise I will disintegrate into nothing . . .
posted by Mary 3:10 AM
