Monday, July 26, 2010
Somehow, turning 27 wasn't as detestable as I thought it might be. In fact, I feel like I've gained a new burst of confidence, as if someone turned on turbo-confidence the morning of July 16th. Given my usual lack of confidence, it doesn't look like much, but it seems like quite a lot.
There's a lot I don't care much about anymore--acceptance, a "normal" life, my future. It all still concerns me, but more than ever before--so much more than ever before--I want what I've always known I needed. I want a hard life, something I know I can't do, but I can try, I want to do hard things! I want to be pushed to my absolute limit and them beyond. The worst of it is that I know I can do it. I have so much in me that I've never begun to explore. And with the power of God, how can my life really look? Not normal, that's for sure.
So much in the Bible about giving up everything and living in complete abandon. So much that I want. So much still holding me back.
posted by Mary 1:07 PM
Monday, July 05, 2010
Everyone my age seems to be doing quite a bit more than me. They create beautiful art, cook, bake, throw wonderful parties, share deep relationships with a boy or girlfriend, delight in old and new friends, and have a few attainable goals.
I want these things.
posted by Mary 2:21 AM
